In what I thought was just one of those 'passing' conversations with Laura yesterday, she was rambling on about something that she either watched or listened to as we read it to her. I was unsure as I wasn't paying much attention given I was doing something else at the time. But then she said "...that's what he dreamed about, Mommy. What do you dream about, Mommy? What?" Needless to say, I stopped and was very still for a moment. Immediately, I began to wonder just what it was I dreamed about. I didn't want to tell her about all of the thoughts I have, laying in bed during the night, planning to get things done tomorrow that didn't get done today. Or that I wake up wondering how long the house will say quiet before everyone wakes up and another day starts. No, that's not what she wanted to hear so instead, I asked her "What do you dream about, Laura?"
Her answer both surprised me and made me smile all at the same time. Given the number of times I am called down the hall by her in the middle of the night because she 'had a bad dream' or 'saw a monster', I figured it would be something ucky. But that isn't at all what she was going to say. Instead, she cocked her head, put her hand on my shoulder and said "I dream about Nana and Honey and Mommy and Daddy. They all love me so that's what I dream about." I smiled to hide the tears and just hugged her, reassuring her that indeed all of those people loved her very much. It was enough for her and she bounced off to find something else to occupy her mind. Changing subjects wasn't so easy for me.
I sat there for awhile, not moving, wondering first of all how someone so small comes to be so smart and so full of unconditional love herself. And then I began to wonder just what it is that I do dream about. I honestly don't remember very many of my dreams and know that those that happen in my half awake state have much more to do with trying to solve my everyday problems and declutter my life than having any deep meaning. But I know that I have dreams. Big dreams. Even at my age. :)
I dream of raising healthy, happy children who lead successful lives while dropping their perfect grandchildren off for an afternoon of crafting with grandma. I dream of decluttering my home and getting rid of things that have no meaning to us so we can enjoy life more without having to 'clean up' first. I dream of cooking more meals from scratch and ridding our house of HFCS as much as possible in order to make us healthier, happier people. I dream of spring, of walking again around the block, of gardening and trying once again to beat the rabbits to our growing vegetables. I dream of the day that Laura's feet are straight and stay that way. I dream of writing and being published. Of having a novel crack the top ten best sellers some week or writing a children's book that brings smiles to hundreds of small faces. I dream of being thin again. I dream of a new kitchen floor. I dream of redecorating our kitchen to better meet the needs of our family while putting in cabinets that aren't made of particle board. I dream of making a difference in my children's lives for the better. I dream of being the best wife I can be. I dream of being a wonderfully vibrant person.
Yes, I dream big. And some of those dreams have come true or are in process, and some have yet to be realized. But the important thing is that I dream. And then take one step at a time towards realizing those dreams. For now, raising my children to be the best they can be takes up much of my time and effort so the rest will just come along as we can fit it in. But someday, those dreams will all come to fruition in some way, or be changed to have more meaning in my life at that time. And I pray that someday, my daughter will dream big dreams, too. And that I'll be there to help her see them come true. She has plenty of time to dream. And plenty of wonderful dreams to develop. But for now, dreaming of Nana and Honey and Mommy and Daddy is enough. At least for the two of us. :)