Mommy? Do You Know What I Want Most In Life?

After finishing phonics this morning I assigned Laura to run a few circles around the house. She was getting antsy and a bit bored with oddball sounds -ink, -ank, -onk, and -unk. So I figured a bit of exercise would be a good thing.

After 6 or 7 rounds, she jogged over to my desk for a quick rest. She reached out and took my arm and said "Mommy? Do you know what I want most in life?" I realize she's six, and whatever she is about to say will most likely be a fleeting desire that will come and go quicker than the sun in NE OH, but I turn to face her knowing that right now, this is a biggie for her. I immediately start thinking about how I'm going to deter her apparent never-ending request for a 'walking pup' as I'm sure that's what will fall out as soon as she opens her mouth.

But I was wrong.

"Mommy? Do you know what I really, really, really want most in life?" I shake my head and smile to encourage her to continue. "I want to go to bed without wearing shoes."

As I reach out to give her a great big hug, I hide the tears that are forming in my eyes. I can't tell her how many times I've wished and prayed, and prayed and wished for the very same thing. Or how many times I have wondered just how much longer she'll have to wear them since she's already several years past the norm. Or how often I've wondered if we will ever really be able to let go of the constant monitoring of her feet and if her big toe will ever go down to a normal position.

And then I glance down to her heels. Her straight, flat heels And I smile. The Lord has been good. He brought Dr. Dobbs and Kristina in to our lives and I am forever thankful. There will be a time when she can go to bed without shoes. And there will be a time when we don't automatically look at her feet as she runs by. And there will come a time when all of this will just be what happened back then.

As I pull away from her and touch her cheek with my hand, I tell her that someday she'll have her desire. Someday she'll go to bed without shoes. And until then we'll just keep doing what we should. She shakes her head yes, smiles and goes back to running circles in the house. On her flat feet. Just like every one else does.

Mitchell Shoes on a Dobbs Bar

For those of you who are looking for information about the Mitchell shoes on a Dobbs bar, here's what we use. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask here or on the nosurgery4clubfoot group on yahoo groups.

Our setup for our Mitchell shoes on a Dobbs bar


We attached the bar upside down so it did not get in the way of her walking. Here it shows that more clearly.


Here's the bottom of our shoes and bar:


And a closer view of one shoe - note the tab to press that makes the Mitchells easily removed from whatever bar they are attached to, including the Dobbs bar:


And a closer view of the plate and how it fits on to the shoes:

Prayer Works!

On December 15th we began what we pray is the last phase of Laura's clubfoot treatment. At our Thanksgiving visit Dr. Dobbs determined that a posterior tendon transfer was worth a shot for Laura, and a last ditch effort to cure her stubborn heel varus before an osteotomy would be required. Surgery for Laura hasn't always been an easy thing. She doesn't 'do' surgery well, but then most people don't. So it wasn't as if I was looking forward to it. Well, I might have been. On the inside. Waaaaay on the inside. After all, in my heart I knew this was what we needed to do. But in my head I was not looking forward to letting her go as she headed to OR, or watching her struggle with the pain of recovery immediately after surgery and beyond.

As I packed to go to St. Louis I made sure we had plenty of tylenol, some extra tylenol with codeine, some valium for muscle spasms, plenty of syringes and lots of apple juice to help keep her stomach calm. I planned for the possibility of her nissen letting go should she have an extremely upset stomach, and I packed comfy clothes for both of us as I anticipated spending a lot of time holding and rocking her through her pain, and climbing over seats in the car to get to her when necessary on the way home. I'd been through it before. I thought I knew what to expect.

When we arrived at Shriner's Monday morning, they immediately went to work making her comfortable and catering to her every whim. Lots of stuffed animals, a large playroom well stocked with everything her little heart desired, and pbs kids helped make her feel special. She fussed a bit as the medication began to help her relax as I'm sure she felt a bit funny. But when we released her to the nurses care outside the OR, she was doing just fine. After all, she was almost asleep!

Mom and I headed to get something to eat since we didn't know when we'd have time to do so later that day, and then settled down in a very nice OR waiting room. Soon the call came that she was out and in recovery, calling for me. My stomach sank. The difficult recovery time was upon us. I said yet another silent prayer as I headed to gather her in my arms.

As soon as she was settled in with me on a rocking chair, she drifted off to sleep. No fussing, no frustrations. Just rest. As we moved from the recovery room to her hospital room, she seemed to perk up even more. No extreme pain, no anxiety. Just a smile now and then, a hug for a stuffed animal or two, and a request for some crackers and apple juice.

I knew there were many people at home and across the country praying for her and soon realized the Lord was answering our prayers. My anxiety left as we prepared to take her home to Nana's for a nights sleep before driving home the next day. I'd planned to sleep with her in the living room, but even that wasn't needed. I put her down next to Jonathan, left them watching Noggin for a little while, and headed to bed myself. Mom and I woke up the next morning and marveled at the fact that we hadn't heard from her all night. But mentally I began plotting how to get some of the nasty pain meds in her before we left for home.

It seems I plotted without reason. As I listened to weather forecasts in the bedroom, Mom sat at the kitchen table to read her Bible and pray for a bit. Soon she was greeted with "Good morning, Honey" as Laura crawled down the hall. No crying. Not a whimper of pain. Just a smile to greet us. The Lord had really blessed her. And Mom and I as well. As you can see by the pictures, she was still doing just fine an hour later. We made it home that evening with just a few doses of tylenol needed. And I'm not sure they were for pain as much as they might have been because she was whining due to boredom. But I'm happy that was all. The Lord truly is good.

The troops as we pack to head home:



Nana and Jonathan:

"Dr. Dobbs is a Gen-us!"

Around here we have what we call 'kid stories'. You know, the innocent things kids say at just the right moment that just have to be shared with other adults in their lives. Things that bring a smile to your face and are often followed by laughter that can't be helped. Sometimes your kids say things that make you think long and hard about how you are parenting. Or they say things that are so true you can't help but know you are raising a child who is truly awesome in their own right. But most often they say things that make us laugh.

The other day a package arrived addressed to Laura. It seems her Shriner's bar had finally given up to the constant pounding it takes each morning and evening, and it had sheered in a spot that couldn't be repaired so we'd been sent a new one. Along with the bar was a pamphlet about the Dobbs bar. Since we're 'old-timers' at the whole FAB thing, I didn't pay much attention to it. But Laura had other plans. Soon she was ooohing and aaahing at the very cute baby pictured inside and asking me who it was along with many other questions about her pink hair bow, how much her Mommy loved her and so on. All usual questions I often must answer about babies we see in magazines, books and so on.

And then she closed up the pamphlet and turned it over. As she spotted a picture of Dr. Dobbs she grew still. Very still. And then ever so slowly her face started to light up. Her eyes grew big, her smile spread half way across her face, and her body quivered with excitement. Then, hugging the pamphlet to her chest she proclaimed "I just LOVE Dr. Dobbs! I love Dr. Dobbs! He's a gen-us, Mommy! A gen-us! I just love Dr. Dobbs!" And in that moment there was no doubting it. She totally loved him.

And in the midst of the moment I prayed that her love with last beyond surgery the following week.

On The Road Again...

This weekend we once again head out to see Dr. Dobbs. However, this visit is a bit different. Not only will we be seeing Dr. Dobbs for a check, we'll also be doing an 'H&P' (history and physical in medical terms) and then having a nerve study done to confirm what Dr. Dobbs believes is nerve damage that is preventing her clubfoot from maintaining correction. Since this test checks for nerves, they believe it best that she be put to sleep for the process as Laura isn't exceedingly tolerant of some medical procedures. Especially those that cause some pain. Gee, who would have guessed?

Once we know the outcome of the testing we'll know what surgery, if any, she'll need. I'm expecting some but I'm not fully aware yet of all of our options. We're expecting the test results to give us that information. And we'll also know what additional casting might be needed to recorrect her foot. I feel somewhat like this may be the beginning of the end. But I've felt that way before and we are still on the journey so I'll reserve that until a later date.

I've often wondered why God hasn't fixed this. Why he hasn't just reached down and moved her bone back where it belongs or readjusted her fat pad so she's walking more normally. And I know that if she were a 'normal' clubfoot child we'd be done with the shoes, the regular appts and the constant wondering. We'd be done. But that isn't our reality. So I'll just keep on going through doors the Lord opens, doing what needs to be done and praying that the Lord's will would come to fruition in His time. And I think that is the hardest thing in all of this. Not knowing the outcome but moving ahead anyway.

Perhaps that is the bigger picture for me, and what I'm learning through all of this. Trusting the Lord. Following the Lord. Doing what I know is right even when it is the hard thing to do. Trusting. Totally trusting. I think it is one of the hardest things I'll ever do. And I know it is the right thing. I've tried the 'on my own' thing. Didn't get me very far. So here we are. Headed out on the road again. Another St. Louis drive by! May the Lord protect us, provide for us and give Dr. Dobbs wisdom as we move forward in our journey.

Our FAB - The Mitchell Shoes on Shriners Version of a Dobbs Articulating Brace

Here is the version of FAB that Laura is currently wearing. We love the Mitchell shoes and have always used them. When we started treatment with Dr. Dobbs, he introduced us to the articulating bar. Laura loves that and honestly, so do I. It works for her and I'm very thankful she can use it effectively. I've included several pictures of the FAB and then some pictures of her in the bar, standing and then crawling in it. The picture at the top is Laura in her sleep sack. Her feet can fit up in it, but she prefers to wear it with her feet stuck in the foot holes. Whatever works. :) If you have any questions, please feel free to ask.