The Lord is good. Even in the little things.
Twice in the past few days the Lord showed me just how much he loves me by taking care of what really are two little things when I let go and gave them to him. I'm sure there are many other ways he's taken care of me this weekend, but these two things are points on the time line labeled "Chris Learns Once Again to Let Go So God Can Do It". It is an ever growing timeline. One I don't think will ever end. I seem to want to hang on to things and try to make them work for me without realizing it is much easier in the long run to just let the Lord do it and save myself the hassle of having to ask him to fix it after I've messed it up even more.
Last week I received another in a long line of mailings regarding our secondary health insurance for the children. Since I'd already called several times to straighten it out, I tried very hard to just let it go. And I succeeded for a few days until the second mailing arrived. It was the 'booklet' they send you with all of the Drs you can access, and of course the plan restrictions and so on. Don questioned that one and I, once again, tried to just let it go. But it ate at me. After all, it was Saturday. No one was in their office that day. And of course, Laura's card arrived just as before with no problems. Which just emphasized the fact that the boys weren't on it. *sigh*
I spent a very sleepless night. I tossed and turned. Imagined all sorts of frustrating things as outcomes. And then, most humorously to me as I look back on it, instead of praying that the Lord would go before me and straighten out the whole mess, I prayed that the Lord would keep the boys safe and free from extensive medical needs until I straightened out the insurance mess. Ummm.... HELLO!!! It was somewhere in the wee hours of the morning that it finally dawned on me to just give the whole thing to him and let go. I fell in to a deep sleep and managed to get a few hours undisturbed. Amazing how that happens, isn't it?
All day Sunday, whenever it came to mind, I just renewed the giving of this small thing back to the Lord. It was just secondary insurance. No biggie. I think it might have crossed my mind at least once an hour for awhile. But then I suppose I started to 'get it' and it happened less frequently. By bedtime I know I'd be dealing with the issue by phone this morning, but there was no stress about it.
I waited until noon today to call. And only as the phone rang did the stress return. I could feel my heart racing. The stress was falling like a heavy blanket on me once again. And then this nice, calm voice came on the line and I responded in kind. After a few minutes I learned that the Lord had already taken care of the issue, and everything was straightened out. It just hadn't caught up with the mailings. Score one for learning to let go.
My second opportunity for letting go came riding in on the reins of technology. Can you say stress with a capital S? Yes, I realize that not all households depend on technology every day as a normal course of their lives, but we do. After all, the boys school using their computers with Matthew's classes coming in to our home three days a week on them. So I called our ISP. It seems that at 7 AM on a Sunday morning, those who answer the phone aren't the brightest bulbs on the Christmas tree. But hey, at least I had a tentative date for someone to appear within the next week. However, I needed them more quickly. Matthew's classes started at 8 the next morning and he still had work to do before then. All submitted on the computer, of course. I was told to call back at 8:30. Okay, I can do that. But of course I had to just go downstairs and check the cable modem on more time. Or two. Or three.
I called again as we headed to church. The very understanding person who answered the phone this time told us she'd call dispatch and see what she could do. She'd call back in 20 minutes. When we arrived at church, I left Don in the car to answer the phone and the kids and I went in. Don sat and sat and sat and sat and sat. He waited and waited and waited and waited. We figured that our outage wasn't just our problem but that perhaps the whole area had some issues and we were just the first ones to call it in. We arrived home, ever hopeful. I tried to log on. No go. Apparently we were wrong. So I headed down once again to check the modem. No little light. No connection. I really wanted to just whack the thing into oblivion but instead I decided that God was knowledgable about technology too, and perhaps we would think this important enough. So I laid my hands on it and I prayed. I asked the Lord to 'heal' the modem. I gave it to the Lord.
Expectantly, I peeked at the modem. No light. Not even a blink. Right then I decided that even though it wasn't fixed, the Lord knew it was an issue and how much we needed it and he'd see that it got taken care of. In his time. I could let it go.
I came up and started closing down my computer. Just for kicks I decided to click "check mail" one more time. Low and behold, it started downloading mail! Yes, in just those few minutes the Lord answered my prayer. Our computers were all back online. Life returned to normal. The Lord had taken care of it. Something so little. Something so small. And he'd fixed it. I just sat here smiling.
When the call finally came from our ISP later in the afternoon, I was able to share with the very kind customer service rep that yes, we finally had our internet access back and it was because I'd prayed over the box. Turns out that she's a believer, too. She just laughed with me and said "The Lord is good, isn't he? Every day, in every way." Yes, he is. Every day. Even in the small things.