Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Guiness World Record? If Only They Knew...

I'm sure that your family is one of those very organized, on time, always at the ready families that shares the highs of your day with everyone at dinner, quoting your favorite scripture and sharing at least three new facts you learned that day. Uh, yeah. Riiiiight. Well, ours isn't either. And lately, along with the new joke, suduko puzzle or review of the comical things that happened that day, the boys have tried a new adventure. Their own attempts to get in to the Guinness Book of... well... Family Records.

Yes, with food.

No, I didn't start it. Really! I didn't!!!

A few days ago, lacking the desire to put something green on the table, I produced the most recent acquisition of round red globes and plopped them on the table instructing everyone that grapes were the 'vegetable of the day' and they all needed to eat a nice serving. Whatever that is. As the meal went on, Matthew opted to set a limit so I couldn't badger them in to eating more and suggested that they eat twice their age in grapes. After a quick figuring stint in my brain, I declared it an excellent idea and Matthew set about picking 28 grapes from the bowl. Soon it seemed just eating them wasn't good enough. No. He'd have to see how many he could fit in to his mouth at the same time. Yes, my stomach did a little lurch but hey, whatever gets them to eat them, right??? As you can assume, that would come back to haunt me.

On the first day with the grapes, Matthew managed to get 17 in before he couldn't spare anymore room while laughing hysterically to stick any more in. He was satisfied with that. Oh how soon they forget that sense of satisfaction...

Just 24 hours later we were sitting at the table once again. Gathered, like a wonderfully loving family, eating dinner idyllically together, reviewing our um... well... you get the drift. We were eating dinner. And green beans were the 'green' of the day. As dinner began to wind down, I happened to glance at each child's plate, noting immediately that while the evidence of homemade chicken fingers and fries were there, not an iota of evidence existed for the previous presence of green beans. I reminded them that a healthy serving of green beans needed to hit their plate, and by extension their stomachs, before they got up from the table. Matthew willingly piled green beans on his plate and passed the bowl to Jonathan. Score one for parental persistence.

However, my parental success ended there. Soon I noted a gleam in Matthew's eye. He looked up at us with a sneaky smile on his face and said "Gee, last night I got in 17 grapes. I wonder how many green beans I can fit in my mouth!" Note, he was excited at the prospect. I hung my head wondering just where I could get off this train. Apparently, not any time soon. Before I knew it he was lobbing greeners in to his cavernous orifice and counting at the same time. I began to wonder somewhere around 80 if any more would fit in. I needn't have worried. They did. Many more. Many, many more. In fact, Matthew emptied the bowl and might have grabbed the leftovers off of Jonathan's and Laura's plates but by that time he was laughing too hard to even think of stuffing more in before he relieved the pressure. Grinning takes up space you know.

As it turns out, you can fit 140 green beans in his mouth. Yes, as he noted several times, if you suck the juice out, you can pack more in. Slobbering, as needed. I'm not sure that is a certified Guinness practice, but whatever works!

After spitting out much of what was in his mouth so he could actually swallow his original serving, Jonathan wanted to see if, in fact, there was such a record. Alas, the Guinness site is not forthcoming regarding the amount of green beans one can stuff in ones mouth at one time. I imagine they ought to think more like teenage boys and their world record categories could increase dramatically. Just ask Matthew and Jonathan. :)

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