Conversations With Laura, Part 2

As she played with her barn this morning, I took note that sheep, cows and horses were not the inhabitants. So this conversation followed:

Me: Who is living in your barn today?
Laura: Fairies, of course!
Me: Oh. Of course.

Play goes on for awhile. Pretty soon a chair appears next to me and then the barn lands on the chair.

Me: Oh my! I didn't know fairies were in the Wizard of Oz...
Laura, looking at me rather sternly: Mom. The fairies want a makeover. One of your makeovers.
Me: So they want their hair done?
Laura: Yes, and makeup and a new outfit and whatever. Like you do for me.
Me: Of course. When should I start?
Laura: Mom! They are lined up in front of you. Can't you see them? You just have to believe. That's all. Just believe. And accept that they are there. Then you'll be able to see them!

Ah, how innocent. Just believe. And accept. So simple, and yet so difficult. And yet it is what the Lord asks. I couldn't help but hum "Trust and Obey" to myself as I gave each and every fairy their very own pretend makeover. :)

Conversations With Laura...

Laura: Mom? Why is my barn dusty?
Me: Because it sat for a long time without you playing with it.
Laura: But why is it dusty?
Me: There is dust in the air and when something sits still, it collects dust that falls out of the air.
Laura: Can our skin get dusty?
Me: No, not really. Because we are always moving.

Laura freezes and sits totally still for a time, just sitting there smiling.
Then she looks down at her arm, feels her arm and gets this big smile on her face.

Laura: Mom! Feel my skin! It is dusty!

I feel her skin. Uh no. Not dust...

Me: Laura, that's not dust. That's dried snot. You need to use a kleenex.
Laura: Yeah, you're right. It's swot. I will get a kleenex when my arm is full.

I grimace. She smiles gleefully and says: Of dust Mom! Not swot! and runs away laughing.

Welcome to my world.

MILling About...

I will be the first to admit that the past month has been lacking in creativity, homeschool progress, and yes, even cleaning. But it has been full of comfort, stretching our boundaries, lots of problem solving, family, and a growing love for my mother-in-law.

Jan was taken to the ER early in February for what we now know was apraxia/anoxia, a pulmonary embolism, congestive heart failure, eventual pneumonia, and a few other problems that might seem minor but added to the overall picture of her health. She spent 10 days there and was moved to a nursing home where she stayed until we moved her last week to a wonderful Assisted Living facility just a few minutes from our home that embodies the philosophy of 'aging in place'. She's currently doing very well there and under Dr. Stone's care she is just about back to the Mom we all know. There are challenges yet to overcome, but she's on her way and improving every day. But that's not the journey I wanted to share today. There are more important journeys that have begun, and in these lie the future of our family.

When my slightly larger family merged with Don's rather small one almost seven years ago now, we added just four new members to our family but they added 12. And if you count all of those extended family members, they had to deal with much more than that. And in typical fashion, we embraced their small family and just added them in to the fold. They were a part of all of our family celebrations, invited to every activity, and rejoiced with us when Laura was born. They were family. But I'm not sure that they fully understood what that meant to all of us, not even Don.

Having been on his own for so long it was hard for him to realize that my Dad meant it when he said he'd help with something. And that my parents really expected a call when large family projects were under way. Or that the word "we" really meant "we", as in all of us. I think Diane first truly began to understand just how much we loved her when she joined us for our week at the beach. We trusted her enough to let her see the good and the bad in all of us, to be squished in the car that seats 10 with the other 9 of us, traveling 10 hours through countryside and city traffic with my Dad at the wheel. If ever there was a time that she could choose to bail on us, that would have been it. But she hung in there. And she was even game for planning next year.

After our week at the beach I think Diane began to understand just how much we did love and accept her as a part or our family, but she still held the primary responsibility for Mom and couldn't spend as much time with us as we'd like. Often my Mom and I plan impromptu meals, gatherings and such just because we haven't seen each other since last weekend, we need a project completed together, or we have caramel corn to make by the gallon. While we'd like for Diane to be more a part of these times, it isn't feasible since she's so far away and the demands of life, taking care of Mom's needs, and puppy motherhood keep her schedule pretty full. We miss her, but we continued to pray for the Lord to open up a way for us to be together more.

When Don and Diane realized in February that Jan really shouldn't be living alone any longer, I realized big changes were coming to all of us. As we gathered to start planning what we needed to do, I naturally included my parents. After all, Mom and Dad would be a part of whatever plans we needed to make, even if it only meant keeping Laura occupied while the rest of us sorted, cleaned, prepped and painted. With our usual division of labor in full force, Mom and Dad gently helped us problem solve, and Don, Diane and I decided it was time to relieve Diane from the full responsibility of her Mom. We all decided it would be best if we moved her from the hospital down here to a nursing home. Oh, don't get me wrong. It wasn't an easy decision. Visiting nursing home after nursing home, defining just what assisted living vs. independent living meant, and who could best meet Mom's needs along with ours was more difficult than I ever imagined. But finding places down here that met our needs helped make the decision easier.

Moving Mom here has brought four major changes to our lives so far. First, it meant that Don, and/or the kids and I needed to check in on her daily. Meals don't happen on a regular schedule and figuring out when Mom was awake enough to have a visit was a challenge that we eventually have worked out. Well, sort of. :) Now that she's settled in and is comfortable, sometimes a phone call will do. But I still stop in whenever I'm out running errands during the day and I'm sure Don will continue to stop in regularly as well.

Second, it means that we get to see Diane every weekend. This is one of the best parts of the whole thing. She generally arrives here some time Saturday and stays through dinner, visiting Mom and with us until she feels compelled to head home again. Then she returns most Sundays to have at least a quick visit with Mom. We love her expanded presence in our lives and it is my prayer that through this, she'll come to realize just how much we do love her and enjoy her just because. And it certainly isn't lost on me that the Lord could use this as the final step in getting her to move down our way. :)

The third change certainly effects Don more than it does the rest of us. It seems to have worked out best that Don, being of sound financial mind, take over keeping track of Mom's finances, paying her bills and such. He's good at that sort of thing. But he's good at it because he takes the time to do things like balance checkbooks weekly and file bills after they are paid. Yeah. It was a concept to me, too. :) I'm sure this change will continue to evolve along with the rest, and I know we'll get better at it as he gets all of the accounts settled and her bills added in to his system.

The fourth change is something I didn't expect. And it really has to do with my own definition of family, and who that includes. As you know, I grew up with very loving parents who have spent their lives growing along with my brother and I (they started young!), and raising us with strong moral values and a great picture of what a true family is. I really didn't 'need' another mother in my life and Jan really didn't need me, either. She had Diane. While we were certainly cordial and I respected her as my wonderful husband's mom, I loved her from a distance. As it became more obvious that she would be coming down here for much of the rest of her life I began to ask the Lord to work in me. To make me the DIL he wanted me to be for her. That even though I loved her because she was my husband's Mom, that he would give me a growing love for her so that as I ministered to her needs it would be from the bottom of my heart and not out of duty.

I am not sure what I expected the Lord to really do, but he did what I asked and more. The first time I really realized it was the day Mom moved from the hospital to the nursing home. I was the 'greeter'. After all, every one else works and I had the time. I did the paperwork and waited. Mom was late. It seems a traffic jam was delaying the transport. And I had time to pray some more. By the time Mom arrived, Don was there as well. We settled her in and assessed her immediate needs, helped the staff do what they needed to do and prepared her for bed. Cradling her head in my hands as I said goodbye for the night was such a tender moment - for me anyway. I realized I would do what needed done and what was best for Mom because I loved her. Just because she was Jan. Not because I had to. Not because she was Don's Mom. Just because she is.

And that love has grown in the past few weeks. As we prepared to move her to what may be her last home in this world, I made decisions just as I do for my children. Because I've been given the opportunity to make the world better for her. Just because I love her. I have forced issues that needed to be tended to, and loved her patiently through others. Oh, I've had my moments. But the genuine joy I feel at knowing we've done what we can to make her comfortable, and the tears shed because she's improved so much in the past week are totally genuine. And it makes me very happy to know that we all truly are a family. Lock, stock and barrel.

And I don't think I'm the only one who has a growing love for 'Grandma Jan'. Yesterday morning while talking with Matthew he asked me if I thought the Lord might have moved Grandma Jan down here to be with us so that we could share the Lord more with her and help her develop a true relationship with the Lord before she dies. My son said that. And I didn't hesitate to agree. Of course I didn't let him see my tears. A Mom has to keep something hidden now and then. :)

When we began this new phase of life about six weeks ago, we had no idea what would eventually transpire. Looking back I can see that it has been a long time coming. And I know we will all be better for having gone through it.

Laura's New AFO

Last week we embarked on a new journey. One where Laura's foot will be held in place by an AFO for awhile. I must honestly say that after fighting it for so long, seeing her foot being held correctly and watching her walk almost normally has done my heart good. Knowing that 'cute shoes' will require a much more diligent search is something I can live with. Meanwhile, we went out and purchased a PT endorsed pair of New Balance tennies that are grey, pink and white. While they don't go with much of her dressier wardrobe, she wears them every day and loves them. And so it goes.

Here are some pictures of her in her AFO. And for those of you who have a kid with atypical/complex feet, you'll relate to the big toe stance well. :)

She's Another Year Older

Our precious Laura had another birthday this week. She turned five. Five. My baby is five! Where does the time go? How is it that I can barely remember the difficult times we dealt with when she was born? Where did the wee thing we struggled to keep alive go? Was she ever really that tiny and fragile? Did they really diagnose her as a failure to thrive and say she would never develop normally?

Oh if they could only see her now...

They'd find her right where the Lord wanted her, growing healthy and happy in the midst of the family that God made just for her. They'd find her busy taking care of her babies, learning all of the things she needs to know at this stage in her life, helping to make her own birthday cake, and keeping us all on our toes. Who cares that her baby bottles periodically become guns so she can safely traverse through her brothers 'war zone' with her baby in order to 'safwe' get to the grocery store. Or that she knows far too many details about Indiana Jones or Star Wars characters since she loves to get right in the middle of whatever her brothers are doing? What matters is that she is content and loves life, thinks pink is the best thing going as any true princess at heart would, and that she will grow up to be a wonderful, devoted wife, mother, and strong woman of God.

Yes, she's five. Where, oh where does the time go?

Rabbit Run - Especially When It Is Cold!

One of the benefits you get from a blanket of new-fallen snow is seeing just what lives with you every day in and around your house. Last week a hawk, with his prey clutched in his hand, landed right in front of our window. I realize that he'd wandered outside his normal hunting grounds because of the heavy snowfall, but it was a reminder that nature lives with us despite our human desire to just take over everything in our path.

This morning I was reminded of the little creatures that we've watched grow up under our very own shed. Yes, we've fed generations of the little guys even when we weren't thrilled about it. And their brothers, sisters, cousins and friends live all over our development. This morning it was fun to follow their nightly wanderings around the house, finding all of the spots where they stopped for awhile seeking warmth, and seeing just how they wander in and out of the bushes. In the picture above you can see where they obviously spent some time overnight pressed in to the snowbank for a bit. And I think there was more than one of them cuddling there.

I then found a bunch of little footprints coming out from under the gate. You can see where they've dug a path in the snow under the corner. And on the other side of the house I found where they went back under the fence, as well as several places along the way where they stopped to cuddle for awhile. I couldn't help but wonder what that hawk might have done if he'd seen them out and about. And I realized that as much as they drive me crazy, and as much as I feel frustration as the bunnies eat my plants, I wouldn't want to see one have the same fate as the starling did last week. Remind me of that this spring when I put out new flowering plants, would you?

Digging Out Again And Again

Ever have one of those things that keeps repeating over and over again, drivng you nuts? Like a song you can't get out of your head? Anyone remember "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood"? Or perhaps the Barney theme song? Or any other preschool ditty that just popped in to your head? Or how about a commercial that lacks intelligence and yet you can't get it out of your mind? Or some activity that you must do over and over again even though it just may drive you slowly crazy? Or perhaps someone who just keeps following you around when you want some privacy? Yeah. Me, too. And my nemesis is snow. It just won't stop. It keeps coming, and coming. In spurts from a spit to a foot or more. And then more comes the next day. And so on, and so on. You just can't get away from it here.

Here's a picture of the tree in front of the house a few weeks ago. Pretty, isn't it?

And our bush by the driveway fence. I just liked it at that moment. Of course it was the beginning of days of snow so I was feeling generous.


Here is Laura's climber on the back deck. She was amazed with how much snow it held. Little did she know it was only the beginning.


Jonathan went out that afternoon to help the men shovel.


Matthew started on one side of the driveway.


And Don the other.


He worked his way down and around


And here's the whole, beautiful mess before we started to dig out.


It was a beautiful snowfall. And I enjoyed it, if only for a moment. Soon another inch or two joined it. And then even more. And more. It just kept snowing. It snowed so much that January was the second snowiest month ever here. As in all of recorded weather history. Oh goody.

But soon it warmed up. We had two whole days of above freezing temps and sunshine! The snow melted off the roof, the icicles dripped themselves almost dry, and the streets and driveways that had been shoveled and plowed dried up leaving them very passable once again. And all of the snow piled up everywhere started turning that lovely shade of brown. It actually seemed like spring might be early this year. Perhaps Puxatawney Phil knew something we didn't. Perhaps we might dodge the bullet this year! After all, we'd already hit our average snowfall amounts for the whole season and we were only halfway through it.

Alas, it was not to be. Two nights ago and just as the new month got under way, a storm that was only supposed to drop a few inches in a general snow fall hit a newly melted spot over the lake in its way in and picked up steam. Lots of it. Before it ended, this little 'clipper' would drop over a foot of light, crisp snow on a few select counties in the area referred to as the secondary snow belt. Trust me, anything that has the words 'snow belt' in it can't be good. Apparently winter isn't done. Spring isn't near. We are only halfway done. And here's all the evidence you need:

Here's a view from the front porch. The bushes are buried!


And a view from the other side of the bushes. The bench is buried and the windmill is getting close!

The poor bushes! I'm not sure they'll recover completely. But then I feel that way every winter yet they stand majestic once again every spring.


And here's the boys sledding hill they made after the last snowfall and used again last night.

And the mound by the mailbox is growing...

Here it is from the other side. Our poor mailbox. It may get swallowed before long.

And here is Laura's climber and the snow piled up on the deck. Even I was amazed at how much there was.


And our house this morning. You'll note that we have yet to clear the sidewalks. We'll get to that soon. Or it will melt off all by itself. Yeah, that's it. It will melt. Someday soon. Really. Even here. :)

Mitchell Shoes on a Dobbs Bar

For those of you who are looking for information about the Mitchell shoes on a Dobbs bar, here's what we use. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask here or on the nosurgery4clubfoot group on yahoo groups.

Our setup for our Mitchell shoes on a Dobbs bar


We attached the bar upside down so it did not get in the way of her walking. Here it shows that more clearly.


Here's the bottom of our shoes and bar:


And a closer view of one shoe - note the tab to press that makes the Mitchells easily removed from whatever bar they are attached to, including the Dobbs bar:


And a closer view of the plate and how it fits on to the shoes:

Prayer Works!

On December 15th we began what we pray is the last phase of Laura's clubfoot treatment. At our Thanksgiving visit Dr. Dobbs determined that a posterior tendon transfer was worth a shot for Laura, and a last ditch effort to cure her stubborn heel varus before an osteotomy would be required. Surgery for Laura hasn't always been an easy thing. She doesn't 'do' surgery well, but then most people don't. So it wasn't as if I was looking forward to it. Well, I might have been. On the inside. Waaaaay on the inside. After all, in my heart I knew this was what we needed to do. But in my head I was not looking forward to letting her go as she headed to OR, or watching her struggle with the pain of recovery immediately after surgery and beyond.

As I packed to go to St. Louis I made sure we had plenty of tylenol, some extra tylenol with codeine, some valium for muscle spasms, plenty of syringes and lots of apple juice to help keep her stomach calm. I planned for the possibility of her nissen letting go should she have an extremely upset stomach, and I packed comfy clothes for both of us as I anticipated spending a lot of time holding and rocking her through her pain, and climbing over seats in the car to get to her when necessary on the way home. I'd been through it before. I thought I knew what to expect.

When we arrived at Shriner's Monday morning, they immediately went to work making her comfortable and catering to her every whim. Lots of stuffed animals, a large playroom well stocked with everything her little heart desired, and pbs kids helped make her feel special. She fussed a bit as the medication began to help her relax as I'm sure she felt a bit funny. But when we released her to the nurses care outside the OR, she was doing just fine. After all, she was almost asleep!

Mom and I headed to get something to eat since we didn't know when we'd have time to do so later that day, and then settled down in a very nice OR waiting room. Soon the call came that she was out and in recovery, calling for me. My stomach sank. The difficult recovery time was upon us. I said yet another silent prayer as I headed to gather her in my arms.

As soon as she was settled in with me on a rocking chair, she drifted off to sleep. No fussing, no frustrations. Just rest. As we moved from the recovery room to her hospital room, she seemed to perk up even more. No extreme pain, no anxiety. Just a smile now and then, a hug for a stuffed animal or two, and a request for some crackers and apple juice.

I knew there were many people at home and across the country praying for her and soon realized the Lord was answering our prayers. My anxiety left as we prepared to take her home to Nana's for a nights sleep before driving home the next day. I'd planned to sleep with her in the living room, but even that wasn't needed. I put her down next to Jonathan, left them watching Noggin for a little while, and headed to bed myself. Mom and I woke up the next morning and marveled at the fact that we hadn't heard from her all night. But mentally I began plotting how to get some of the nasty pain meds in her before we left for home.

It seems I plotted without reason. As I listened to weather forecasts in the bedroom, Mom sat at the kitchen table to read her Bible and pray for a bit. Soon she was greeted with "Good morning, Honey" as Laura crawled down the hall. No crying. Not a whimper of pain. Just a smile to greet us. The Lord had really blessed her. And Mom and I as well. As you can see by the pictures, she was still doing just fine an hour later. We made it home that evening with just a few doses of tylenol needed. And I'm not sure they were for pain as much as they might have been because she was whining due to boredom. But I'm happy that was all. The Lord truly is good.

The troops as we pack to head home:



Nana and Jonathan:

"Dr. Dobbs is a Gen-us!"

Around here we have what we call 'kid stories'. You know, the innocent things kids say at just the right moment that just have to be shared with other adults in their lives. Things that bring a smile to your face and are often followed by laughter that can't be helped. Sometimes your kids say things that make you think long and hard about how you are parenting. Or they say things that are so true you can't help but know you are raising a child who is truly awesome in their own right. But most often they say things that make us laugh.

The other day a package arrived addressed to Laura. It seems her Shriner's bar had finally given up to the constant pounding it takes each morning and evening, and it had sheered in a spot that couldn't be repaired so we'd been sent a new one. Along with the bar was a pamphlet about the Dobbs bar. Since we're 'old-timers' at the whole FAB thing, I didn't pay much attention to it. But Laura had other plans. Soon she was ooohing and aaahing at the very cute baby pictured inside and asking me who it was along with many other questions about her pink hair bow, how much her Mommy loved her and so on. All usual questions I often must answer about babies we see in magazines, books and so on.

And then she closed up the pamphlet and turned it over. As she spotted a picture of Dr. Dobbs she grew still. Very still. And then ever so slowly her face started to light up. Her eyes grew big, her smile spread half way across her face, and her body quivered with excitement. Then, hugging the pamphlet to her chest she proclaimed "I just LOVE Dr. Dobbs! I love Dr. Dobbs! He's a gen-us, Mommy! A gen-us! I just love Dr. Dobbs!" And in that moment there was no doubting it. She totally loved him.

And in the midst of the moment I prayed that her love with last beyond surgery the following week.