Friday, January 07, 2011

Mommy? Do You Know What I Want Most In Life?

After finishing phonics this morning I assigned Laura to run a few circles around the house. She was getting antsy and a bit bored with oddball sounds -ink, -ank, -onk, and -unk. So I figured a bit of exercise would be a good thing.

After 6 or 7 rounds, she jogged over to my desk for a quick rest. She reached out and took my arm and said "Mommy? Do you know what I want most in life?" I realize she's six, and whatever she is about to say will most likely be a fleeting desire that will come and go quicker than the sun in NE OH, but I turn to face her knowing that right now, this is a biggie for her. I immediately start thinking about how I'm going to deter her apparent never-ending request for a 'walking pup' as I'm sure that's what will fall out as soon as she opens her mouth.

But I was wrong.

"Mommy? Do you know what I really, really, really want most in life?" I shake my head and smile to encourage her to continue. "I want to go to bed without wearing shoes."

As I reach out to give her a great big hug, I hide the tears that are forming in my eyes. I can't tell her how many times I've wished and prayed, and prayed and wished for the very same thing. Or how many times I have wondered just how much longer she'll have to wear them since she's already several years past the norm. Or how often I've wondered if we will ever really be able to let go of the constant monitoring of her feet and if her big toe will ever go down to a normal position.

And then I glance down to her heels. Her straight, flat heels And I smile. The Lord has been good. He brought Dr. Dobbs and Kristina in to our lives and I am forever thankful. There will be a time when she can go to bed without shoes. And there will be a time when we don't automatically look at her feet as she runs by. And there will come a time when all of this will just be what happened back then.

As I pull away from her and touch her cheek with my hand, I tell her that someday she'll have her desire. Someday she'll go to bed without shoes. And until then we'll just keep doing what we should. She shakes her head yes, smiles and goes back to running circles in the house. On her flat feet. Just like every one else does.


Michelle said...

That made me cry too. More precious is knowing it's not a fantasy wish, but something to be hoped for, watched for, and waited for. And celebrated when it gets here. I see new, fuzzy socks in her future!

Marie from NoSurgery4 said...

I wish that so much for our CF babies. Hugs to you and your daughter! Thanks for sharing.

Larry Fischer said...

My 8 week old has club feet and we put his shoes and Dobbs bar on for the first time yesterday. Thank you for sharing your story.

Karen said...

Thanks for sharing your experiences here. You had me shed a tear or two with this one as well. My son was born with BCF and is almost 2 now. I know that feeling when you're putting those shoes on AGAIN with a smile on your face but inside praying you didn't have to and that your precious child could just be free of them. (but being grateful for them at the same time for what they have done). Thanks again.