Test of Fire

As our nation prepares for the coming election it would be very easy to become complacent and tune out all of the commercials, sound bites, news stories, and yard signs. It would be easy to just let the moment come and go, choosing not to get involved in what is shaping up to be one of the nastiest elections in history. I encourage you to rethink those tendencies. I encourage you to register to vote, and then to make an intentional effort to express that right by actually voting. We have heard often in recent years that 'this election will be the most important one in history', and this time it really is. What will America become? YOU have the power to effect the outcome.

Falling In Love Again... With Heart of Dakota

Some parents have started worrying about how much school supplies will cost this year or wondering how many pairs of jeans will fit their children after a summer of shorts and t-shirts. Others have started worrying about teacher selection or bus drivers. But here, the biggest decisions we make are what curricula (after all you have to do more than one, right?) we will be using and how that will be provided. And I'm so happy I have that choice! As you may know, choosing from the plethora of curriculum choices available to homeschoolers today can be a daunting task. Just when you think you've settled on the perfect thing, you see something else that looks appealing. You listen to friends talk about what they like and what they didn't, and despite your best efforts to be practical and impartial you can't help but let that influence you. Especially when they discover some new, awesome thing! But I think I've found just what we need for Laura. And the more I plan using it, the more excited I become. We'll be using Heart of Dakota's Bigger Hearts For His Glory this year for most of our subjects. This is new for me because I always feel like I need to 'fix' things to make them work better for us. After all, that's what I did in the classroom and for my employees. Why wouldn't I do it for my kids? But this year I am content to just follow much of what Carrie Austin has written. Because it is just that good. We'll be doing a variety of math options as this is a subject Laura needs to regain the excitement that waned shortly after we moved from counting to actual addition. And Laura has moved beyond the suggested Grammar program so we'll be doing the next step in that as well. Adding in Apologia Science to compliment the program Carrie provides is a given, too. But that's because she loves science. However, that's it. Really. We are just going to do HOD and enjoy it. And I can't wait!

The Circle of Life Goes On

Sometimes I like to forget. For instance, I can easily forget I've given up canned caffeine when presented with a cool, delicious 'silver bullet' with lime. And I can periodically forget that I'm heading downstairs after my hubby leaves each morning to torture myself on the treadmill. But what I really like to forget is how old I am. It is like my mind just can't wrap itself around the fact that I'm not still in my late 20's or early 30's. Time is standing still. At least for my mind. Sadly, my body isn't following suit.

Every once in awhile something puts itself right in front of you and it won't let you forget. You can't ignore it. It just is. And you know it. That happened yesterday. And I am still trying hard to grasp the reality it presents.

Yesterday my niece gave birth to the first of our family's next generation. I realized I was becoming a "Great Aunt" but I preferred to think of myself as a just a wonderful "great Aunt" and figured I could continue to forget the reality of the situation. You know. Semantics and all. It is a great coping skill when you are in denial. :) And it was working! Pretty well, actually. And then the new Grandparents had to spoil it all.

I heard the dinging of my phone and knew a new message had arrived. I picked it up and noted a new media message had arrived entitled "Gramps". "Great!" I thought. My parents had managed to get it together and get over to the hospital to see the baby! How awesome! And then I opened the picture.

There, sitting peacefully, was my brother holding the new baby. My Brother! Who is 17 mos older than me. A new Grandpa. I stopped breathing and just stared for a moment. The reality was that we are really old enough to be grandparents, great aunts, and great uncles. While I'm just almost 7 years from having given birth for the last time myself, my niece is just beginning the process once again for the next generation. Lance is the first. I'm sure there will be more to come. After all, there are five more 'cousins' to grow up and get married. I'm even looking forward to becoming a grandparent someday, too. When the time is right.

And perhaps, just perhaps, Lance has allowed me to begin to realize that intense parenting does end, grandparenting will begin. And in it all, I will be ready. At least physically.

Time Enough

I can barely recall the days when I used to hit the alarm clock two or three times before getting up. Or how often I went over to do lists in my mind between the alarms or while actually doing my hair as I got ready to head to work. But I do think that those days were easier. Could it just be that realities fade somewhat as they become memories? Do we prefer to remember only the good things, and not so much the more stressful things? Or is parenting and schooling at home really the hardest thing I've ever done?

Yes, that must be it. Really!

Take this week for instance. Yes, I plan a week at a time now. I used to plan for months back in the day, but now I settle for a week at a time. And sometimes a day at a time. It just makes more sense. And I am the first to admit that I have less control than I used to. Yes, less control. Before, being in charge meant that I could request progress/activities, and while there might have been griping under a few breaths now and then, it generally got done. There were deadlines. And my paycheck depended on them. As did many others. So they guided my life.

Now my 'deadlines' are fluid. I am raising children. I am not in charge of them. They must make their own decisions. It is my job to train, guide, teach and direct, but ultimately they will need to make decisions on their own. And live with the consequences. And I want them to generally make good decisions based on strong biblical principles, have strong relationships, be true disciples for the Lord, read wonderful books, do necessary math without struggle, and enjoy learning for learning sake. So I am very flexible. Because I am a parent. Of children. Who are ever-changing.

Okay, now back to my week...

It was my goal this week to stick to our schedule, make sure we made adequate progress in our school work, maintain a pleasant, encouraging attitude in a clean house, guide my growing children in thinking beyond their needs, get the laundry done including folded and put away, and make dinner at least 5 nights this week without depending on quick fix things like hot dogs. And I have other goals, too. Things like making sure I spend some time each day in the Word and with the Lord, praying over my children and their individual needs, reminding my husband of the reason we thought getting married was the absolute best idea in the world all those years ago, and coloring my hair while spending some time with my Mom are on the list, too. If you add in the necessary things like keeping milk and bread stocked in the frig, getting Laura to therapies and dance classes on time, making sure the boys shovel the three feet of global warming that falls in our driveway, and baking cookies for my troops, you can see my eyes glazing over.

But last week I realized something. Something I apparently was missing before. I discovered time. Time with the kids doing, well, nothing. You know. Like watching movies while not cutting out something for a school game, stitching, or reading at the same time. Just talking to them about whatever comes to mind without listing on ebay or carrying clothes down the stairs at the same time. And time to myself. Before everyone else but Don wakes up. Time to just sit quietly. Listening. To the snow fall. Or the cars drive by as the world wakes up outside.

I'm sure the kids wonder why I am not doing something else while I'm doing something, but they haven't complained. And if they saw me sitting, just sitting, before I started my day in the Word, I'm sure they'd have even more to consider. But I've discovered something valuable here. It is a hard job that I do every day. But it is doable. Maybe not to the ultimate standards that someone else may set for themselves, but at least I'm here. Home with my children. Molding their hearts and minds every day. To the best of my ability.

And some day... yes, some day, they will be thankful. And I will be wondering why my to do list is so small.

Mommy? Do You Know What I Want Most In Life?

After finishing phonics this morning I assigned Laura to run a few circles around the house. She was getting antsy and a bit bored with oddball sounds -ink, -ank, -onk, and -unk. So I figured a bit of exercise would be a good thing.

After 6 or 7 rounds, she jogged over to my desk for a quick rest. She reached out and took my arm and said "Mommy? Do you know what I want most in life?" I realize she's six, and whatever she is about to say will most likely be a fleeting desire that will come and go quicker than the sun in NE OH, but I turn to face her knowing that right now, this is a biggie for her. I immediately start thinking about how I'm going to deter her apparent never-ending request for a 'walking pup' as I'm sure that's what will fall out as soon as she opens her mouth.

But I was wrong.

"Mommy? Do you know what I really, really, really want most in life?" I shake my head and smile to encourage her to continue. "I want to go to bed without wearing shoes."

As I reach out to give her a great big hug, I hide the tears that are forming in my eyes. I can't tell her how many times I've wished and prayed, and prayed and wished for the very same thing. Or how many times I have wondered just how much longer she'll have to wear them since she's already several years past the norm. Or how often I've wondered if we will ever really be able to let go of the constant monitoring of her feet and if her big toe will ever go down to a normal position.

And then I glance down to her heels. Her straight, flat heels And I smile. The Lord has been good. He brought Dr. Dobbs and Kristina in to our lives and I am forever thankful. There will be a time when she can go to bed without shoes. And there will be a time when we don't automatically look at her feet as she runs by. And there will come a time when all of this will just be what happened back then.

As I pull away from her and touch her cheek with my hand, I tell her that someday she'll have her desire. Someday she'll go to bed without shoes. And until then we'll just keep doing what we should. She shakes her head yes, smiles and goes back to running circles in the house. On her flat feet. Just like every one else does.

January Really Arrives Tomorrow

After a quiet morning start, I spent some time planning. After all, that's what women do. We plan. We have to know what is going to happen, how it is going to happen, who will most likely help it happen, and what we think we're going to gain from it happening. And today I was planning the weekend.

Weekends here are not your average, normal, two days off from life. Instead they seem to increase the pace of life, demanding that we just do our best to keep up. If you are laughing, then I know you are a kindred spirit. If you are clueless, I'm assuming you can teach me something and we need to make a date for coffee...

This weekend I have determined that it is time to say goodbye to all of the warmth, clutter and decor of the holiday season. Our trees, decorations, wreaths and bells must once again just be a part of our memories for another 11 months. The plain, stark feeling that January brings will arrive right along with a few more inches of blowing and drifting 'global warming'. But in the end, it will feel really good to have the house organized once again. Really. It will. I'm sure of it.

I'll let you know how that goes...

New Year, New Knowledge

My son said it best on New Year's Eve. He stated "Goodbye 2010! May 2011 be much better!". I couldn't agree more, but I'm sure for very different reasons.

I've learned much in the past year. Things like more patience in parenting, picking the correct battles to fight, how callouses on your knees may be the best offense when raising teenagers, and how lack of organization really effects life have been biggies on the list of learning for 2010. But I still seem to be struggling with simple learning processes like time management, menu planning, making laundry exciting, and the ever present weight management thing. I suppose there is some give and take in any learning moment. For instance, if we are concentrating on learning how to converse with someone who is 17 with grace and patience, it is really hard for our brain to wrap around why we feel compelled to shove that fourth cookie in our mouths without even thinking. Or if we are in the midst of working our way down the to do list of crises at the moment, it is almost impossible to stick basic laundry in the mix.

So in the great scheme of things, I believe I'm going to concentrate on things just a month or two at a time. If I learn in those few months, then I can adjust my goals for the next few and so on. Sounds rather sane, doesn't it? But really, the bottom line for me is not what my goals really are, but that in doing all that I am doing, that I put the Lord at the center of the process. If I truly want a 'new beginning' all I really need to do is focus on Him. After all, His Word, His manual for life, His Book starts with the very wise words "In the beginning God..." If he is first, more important that what I have, more important that what I think I need to do, then he'll be in charge. I won't have to be. How freeing is that?!?!?!?!

Here's to a wonderful, exciting new year of learning, growing and becoming what God intends for me to be.

WOO HOO!!!!!

I just had to take a moment and post our good news of the day. The week! The month!!! After our visit to our eye specialist, he released Laura from any patching!!! No more wondering how long it has been on or if it is on the right eye for the day. No more listening to her get frustrated. No more trying to remember where we put the patches or attempting to match her outfit. We're done!!!

PRAISE THE LORD!!! God is SOOOOO GOOD!!!

Final St. Louis "Drive By" This Fall?

As you can see from the smiles above, Laura is about to get her final set of casts off during what we hope is a final St. Louis drive by for 2009. Kristina popped them off quickly despite Laura's needless fussing (her face below is just recovering from all of that fussing...) and she had time to sit, stretch, and generally enjoy her freedom before we put on our new night shoes. We've moved from the Mitchell's, which we have had since birth, to the Dobbs molded brace to see if it works better for her special issues. So far, she's not fussed at night and I'm happy to say both Mommy and Daddy have figured out how to put them on well. Yeah for Daddy! And Yeah for Dr. Dobbs (our own personal 'genius') and Kristina (definitely the woman behind the Dr!) who have done so much for Laura's future.

God is just soooo good!!!

Blessed Be The Tie That Binds?

I know. I know. He's handsome. Especially in a tie. But be prepared, girls. He won't be ready for his own wedding for another dozen years or so!

Ka and Jarryd's Special Day

Yesterday, a new family was created and ours grew. All at the same moment. The first in the youngest generation of our family was married. Ka and Jarryd shared their vows before the Lord in front of family and friends in a very sweet ceremony, and without a quiver. Confident and smiling, they couldn't have been more relaxed or sure that their union was indeed blessed.

In true Mikayla fashion, she went a bit against the norm. Not only did she not wear high heels (smart girl!), she did not walk down the aisle to "Here Comes The Bride" (she chose something more melodic to walk to) and she had not only a ring bearer and a flower girl (yes, Laura was her flower girl - even in double casts), but she had a 'flower Dad' as well. You'll see what I mean as you look through the pictures... Poor Don. He did a great job!

Fall Has Arrived

I love fall. It is my absolute favorite time of the year. Yes, yes, I know. I absolutely LOVE Christmas, too. But fall. There is just something about the beauty of it all, so many colors on the trees, the smells, the sounds, the cooler nights... Yes, I LOVE fall!

Today we decided to take advantage of the sunshine and stopped by a roadside stand to pick up a few pumpkins, gourds and such. Libby was quite the item with the other visitors as well as the owners, and Laura managed to move around through the pumpkins holding Daddy's hands despite her double casts. Jonathan picked out pumpkins for both he and Matthew, and Laura got two. One that was shaped like a heart and the other that she'll actually consent to cut.

I wonder if her special pick will still be around in the family Christmas pictures. Hey, don't laugh! Nothing like reminiscing over some happy holiday photos to discover that you not only maxed out the Christmas decor, but you forgot to do something with the pumpkins! Trust me. I have personal experience!

A Patched Princess

When you have children, it is always easy to find something to talk about. Their frequent antics provide plenty of fodder. And with Laura we get frequent questions about how her feet are doing and regular comments about how far she has come. But we rarely talk about her vision. It just is. Lately, though, I've had the opportunity to share about it with several other families. We've been stopped in stores, the park and the playground as folks ask about her patch.

Yes, Laura has had some vision challenges. Don has dealt with them his whole life and his Mom has as well. I guess it is just one more way she's very much like her Daddy. Oh, don't get me wrong. We will continue to pray for her daily and we expect her vision to improve. Whether the Lord does it miraculously, or through the work of her pediatric ophthalmologist is still an unknown. So meanwhile, we do whatever we can to help her with that as well.

For the past year and a half or so she's had to wear a patch over her much better eye in order to strengthen her weak one. Currently, she wears it about 6 hours or so a day, often more. And we'll return to the specialist in November to see how she's doing. When we started patching we discovered there were a variety of options, and like the studious Mom that I am, I researched them. Using adhesive patches just wasn't going to work with her - she develops sensitivities to adhesives - so we opted for this model. Since the original, I've purchased several more from the creator and we love the variety. If you need to patch your princess, or prince for that matter, please check out www.goipatch.com for some great, creative options.

Grand Openings? Depends On Your Perspective!

In my short life as a stay at home/home schooling Mom who likes to think she has time for hobbies, I've experienced the grand opening of a craft store or two in my day. Yesterday I experienced the grand opening of a different sort. I carted four kids two hours away for the grand opening of a new Lego Store that opened in a huge, upscale shopping 'center' built in the new, cozy streets concept. And I just had to note a few differences.

At Craft Stores: They are generally large enough that everyone who shows up can enter as soon as they can squeeze their bodies through the door, hopefully in time to grab a cart on your way by.

At Lego Stores: Since their only purpose is legos, and just how many of those can you have after all, the size is smaller than a normal shoe store and therefore must be monitored for body count or the Fire Marshall will get fussy. This means long, several hour waits snaking around buildings for the poor souls who didn't get there before dawn to start the waiting process.

At Craft Stores: Little children are left at home with the husband who generally is more concerned with the large hole his wife's shopping trip will leave in his wallet than what his kids are doing at any given moment. And he has little understanding of just what the purpose of each carefully chosen and planned for purchase will do for him. Or the need his wife has for a creative outlet, if only in concept.

At Lego Stores: Little children make up 60% of the crowd. And they are excited. Very excited. So excited, in fact, that most feel the need to share with everyone within shouting distance just what set they are going to get to go with the ones they already have when they finally reach their own El Dorado. Well, most of them do. The others are busy playing handheld games and could care less about line etiquette if it impedes their ability to win. The rest of the crowd is made up of equal parts exhausted parents, usually mothers, who are wishing for a tall, cool drink somewhere quiet, and fathers/uncles/grandparents/other men who have a long term love of little plastic pieces and can't wait to spend their money they've been saving for two years to get that long coveted set they can't find at their local store. This group of men send 'scouts' to stand at the store door hoping to catch anyone leaving with 'pick-a-brick' cups so they can preplan what bricks they'll be purchasing when they finally reach the 'wall'. I won't even go in to how this effects what little line etiquette remains.

At Craft Stores: Women who want to browse are given the leeway to do so as long as they don't get in the way of the greater crowd who are there with a list in mind and can't wait to get their treasures and get home to start planning and crafting. Check out lines move smoothly and are well defined by the cash registers ready to receive all of the stuff piled in each cart.

At Lego Stores: Browsers are not expected, and those who want to capture the moment forever on film will encounter the biggest challenge of their day yet. Bodies are in constant motion. Even those who take a moment to be in awe of what Master Builders have created only take a moment before moving on. Check out lines are nonexistent. There's a counter with stressed store employees who just want a moment of silence to calm the buzzing in their brains. Your guess is as good as anyone else's regarding who is next to check out. Calm is only maintained by those parents who take a moment to add up the cost of their several hour wait in the sun and to question their sanity before moving forward, allowing those who don't want to know the chance to hit the cast register before them.

At Craft Stores: Those leaving the store rush to their cars, unload their purchases, abandon their carts and leave as quickly as they can.

At Lego Stores: Those leaving the store want to revel in the fact that they made it in, conquered the store and are victorious in their purchase, and they want to do it with all of those still waiting to cheer them on. Big yellow bags are constantly being opened in front of those who have yet to see a glimpse of their El Dorado, driving up the excitement and creating an even louder plan of action amongst the lego fanatics still in line. And this activity is encouraged by overly cheerful store employees in yellow aprons who are also hot and tired, and trying to remember why it is that they applied for the job in the first place.

But after all is said and done, I can honestly say that those who purchase at the Lego Store are much more likely to actually use their purchase in a timely manner and I am sure there were many boxes being opened even before the cars they were riding in left the parking lot. Oh if only those lego fanatics would give us creative folk some space in the basement and time to create... Just think what we could accomplish! Meanwhile I'll be happy interpreting lego instructions for the newbie in the house as she embarks on her first lego purchase. Heaven help us. If her brothers are the example she's following, we are in trouble!

Conversations With Laura, Part 2

As she played with her barn this morning, I took note that sheep, cows and horses were not the inhabitants. So this conversation followed:

Me: Who is living in your barn today?
Laura: Fairies, of course!
Me: Oh. Of course.

Play goes on for awhile. Pretty soon a chair appears next to me and then the barn lands on the chair.

Me: Oh my! I didn't know fairies were in the Wizard of Oz...
Laura, looking at me rather sternly: Mom. The fairies want a makeover. One of your makeovers.
Me: So they want their hair done?
Laura: Yes, and makeup and a new outfit and whatever. Like you do for me.
Me: Of course. When should I start?
Laura: Mom! They are lined up in front of you. Can't you see them? You just have to believe. That's all. Just believe. And accept that they are there. Then you'll be able to see them!

Ah, how innocent. Just believe. And accept. So simple, and yet so difficult. And yet it is what the Lord asks. I couldn't help but hum "Trust and Obey" to myself as I gave each and every fairy their very own pretend makeover. :)

Conversations With Laura...

Laura: Mom? Why is my barn dusty?
Me: Because it sat for a long time without you playing with it.
Laura: But why is it dusty?
Me: There is dust in the air and when something sits still, it collects dust that falls out of the air.
Laura: Can our skin get dusty?
Me: No, not really. Because we are always moving.

Laura freezes and sits totally still for a time, just sitting there smiling.
Then she looks down at her arm, feels her arm and gets this big smile on her face.

Laura: Mom! Feel my skin! It is dusty!

I feel her skin. Uh no. Not dust...

Me: Laura, that's not dust. That's dried snot. You need to use a kleenex.
Laura: Yeah, you're right. It's swot. I will get a kleenex when my arm is full.

I grimace. She smiles gleefully and says: Of dust Mom! Not swot! and runs away laughing.

Welcome to my world.

MILling About...

I will be the first to admit that the past month has been lacking in creativity, homeschool progress, and yes, even cleaning. But it has been full of comfort, stretching our boundaries, lots of problem solving, family, and a growing love for my mother-in-law.

Jan was taken to the ER early in February for what we now know was apraxia/anoxia, a pulmonary embolism, congestive heart failure, eventual pneumonia, and a few other problems that might seem minor but added to the overall picture of her health. She spent 10 days there and was moved to a nursing home where she stayed until we moved her last week to a wonderful Assisted Living facility just a few minutes from our home that embodies the philosophy of 'aging in place'. She's currently doing very well there and under Dr. Stone's care she is just about back to the Mom we all know. There are challenges yet to overcome, but she's on her way and improving every day. But that's not the journey I wanted to share today. There are more important journeys that have begun, and in these lie the future of our family.

When my slightly larger family merged with Don's rather small one almost seven years ago now, we added just four new members to our family but they added 12. And if you count all of those extended family members, they had to deal with much more than that. And in typical fashion, we embraced their small family and just added them in to the fold. They were a part of all of our family celebrations, invited to every activity, and rejoiced with us when Laura was born. They were family. But I'm not sure that they fully understood what that meant to all of us, not even Don.

Having been on his own for so long it was hard for him to realize that my Dad meant it when he said he'd help with something. And that my parents really expected a call when large family projects were under way. Or that the word "we" really meant "we", as in all of us. I think Diane first truly began to understand just how much we loved her when she joined us for our week at the beach. We trusted her enough to let her see the good and the bad in all of us, to be squished in the car that seats 10 with the other 9 of us, traveling 10 hours through countryside and city traffic with my Dad at the wheel. If ever there was a time that she could choose to bail on us, that would have been it. But she hung in there. And she was even game for planning next year.

After our week at the beach I think Diane began to understand just how much we did love and accept her as a part or our family, but she still held the primary responsibility for Mom and couldn't spend as much time with us as we'd like. Often my Mom and I plan impromptu meals, gatherings and such just because we haven't seen each other since last weekend, we need a project completed together, or we have caramel corn to make by the gallon. While we'd like for Diane to be more a part of these times, it isn't feasible since she's so far away and the demands of life, taking care of Mom's needs, and puppy motherhood keep her schedule pretty full. We miss her, but we continued to pray for the Lord to open up a way for us to be together more.

When Don and Diane realized in February that Jan really shouldn't be living alone any longer, I realized big changes were coming to all of us. As we gathered to start planning what we needed to do, I naturally included my parents. After all, Mom and Dad would be a part of whatever plans we needed to make, even if it only meant keeping Laura occupied while the rest of us sorted, cleaned, prepped and painted. With our usual division of labor in full force, Mom and Dad gently helped us problem solve, and Don, Diane and I decided it was time to relieve Diane from the full responsibility of her Mom. We all decided it would be best if we moved her from the hospital down here to a nursing home. Oh, don't get me wrong. It wasn't an easy decision. Visiting nursing home after nursing home, defining just what assisted living vs. independent living meant, and who could best meet Mom's needs along with ours was more difficult than I ever imagined. But finding places down here that met our needs helped make the decision easier.

Moving Mom here has brought four major changes to our lives so far. First, it meant that Don, and/or the kids and I needed to check in on her daily. Meals don't happen on a regular schedule and figuring out when Mom was awake enough to have a visit was a challenge that we eventually have worked out. Well, sort of. :) Now that she's settled in and is comfortable, sometimes a phone call will do. But I still stop in whenever I'm out running errands during the day and I'm sure Don will continue to stop in regularly as well.

Second, it means that we get to see Diane every weekend. This is one of the best parts of the whole thing. She generally arrives here some time Saturday and stays through dinner, visiting Mom and with us until she feels compelled to head home again. Then she returns most Sundays to have at least a quick visit with Mom. We love her expanded presence in our lives and it is my prayer that through this, she'll come to realize just how much we do love her and enjoy her just because. And it certainly isn't lost on me that the Lord could use this as the final step in getting her to move down our way. :)

The third change certainly effects Don more than it does the rest of us. It seems to have worked out best that Don, being of sound financial mind, take over keeping track of Mom's finances, paying her bills and such. He's good at that sort of thing. But he's good at it because he takes the time to do things like balance checkbooks weekly and file bills after they are paid. Yeah. It was a concept to me, too. :) I'm sure this change will continue to evolve along with the rest, and I know we'll get better at it as he gets all of the accounts settled and her bills added in to his system.

The fourth change is something I didn't expect. And it really has to do with my own definition of family, and who that includes. As you know, I grew up with very loving parents who have spent their lives growing along with my brother and I (they started young!), and raising us with strong moral values and a great picture of what a true family is. I really didn't 'need' another mother in my life and Jan really didn't need me, either. She had Diane. While we were certainly cordial and I respected her as my wonderful husband's mom, I loved her from a distance. As it became more obvious that she would be coming down here for much of the rest of her life I began to ask the Lord to work in me. To make me the DIL he wanted me to be for her. That even though I loved her because she was my husband's Mom, that he would give me a growing love for her so that as I ministered to her needs it would be from the bottom of my heart and not out of duty.

I am not sure what I expected the Lord to really do, but he did what I asked and more. The first time I really realized it was the day Mom moved from the hospital to the nursing home. I was the 'greeter'. After all, every one else works and I had the time. I did the paperwork and waited. Mom was late. It seems a traffic jam was delaying the transport. And I had time to pray some more. By the time Mom arrived, Don was there as well. We settled her in and assessed her immediate needs, helped the staff do what they needed to do and prepared her for bed. Cradling her head in my hands as I said goodbye for the night was such a tender moment - for me anyway. I realized I would do what needed done and what was best for Mom because I loved her. Just because she was Jan. Not because I had to. Not because she was Don's Mom. Just because she is.

And that love has grown in the past few weeks. As we prepared to move her to what may be her last home in this world, I made decisions just as I do for my children. Because I've been given the opportunity to make the world better for her. Just because I love her. I have forced issues that needed to be tended to, and loved her patiently through others. Oh, I've had my moments. But the genuine joy I feel at knowing we've done what we can to make her comfortable, and the tears shed because she's improved so much in the past week are totally genuine. And it makes me very happy to know that we all truly are a family. Lock, stock and barrel.

And I don't think I'm the only one who has a growing love for 'Grandma Jan'. Yesterday morning while talking with Matthew he asked me if I thought the Lord might have moved Grandma Jan down here to be with us so that we could share the Lord more with her and help her develop a true relationship with the Lord before she dies. My son said that. And I didn't hesitate to agree. Of course I didn't let him see my tears. A Mom has to keep something hidden now and then. :)

When we began this new phase of life about six weeks ago, we had no idea what would eventually transpire. Looking back I can see that it has been a long time coming. And I know we will all be better for having gone through it.

Laura's New AFO

Last week we embarked on a new journey. One where Laura's foot will be held in place by an AFO for awhile. I must honestly say that after fighting it for so long, seeing her foot being held correctly and watching her walk almost normally has done my heart good. Knowing that 'cute shoes' will require a much more diligent search is something I can live with. Meanwhile, we went out and purchased a PT endorsed pair of New Balance tennies that are grey, pink and white. While they don't go with much of her dressier wardrobe, she wears them every day and loves them. And so it goes.

Here are some pictures of her in her AFO. And for those of you who have a kid with atypical/complex feet, you'll relate to the big toe stance well. :)

She's Another Year Older

Our precious Laura had another birthday this week. She turned five. Five. My baby is five! Where does the time go? How is it that I can barely remember the difficult times we dealt with when she was born? Where did the wee thing we struggled to keep alive go? Was she ever really that tiny and fragile? Did they really diagnose her as a failure to thrive and say she would never develop normally?

Oh if they could only see her now...

They'd find her right where the Lord wanted her, growing healthy and happy in the midst of the family that God made just for her. They'd find her busy taking care of her babies, learning all of the things she needs to know at this stage in her life, helping to make her own birthday cake, and keeping us all on our toes. Who cares that her baby bottles periodically become guns so she can safely traverse through her brothers 'war zone' with her baby in order to 'safwe' get to the grocery store. Or that she knows far too many details about Indiana Jones or Star Wars characters since she loves to get right in the middle of whatever her brothers are doing? What matters is that she is content and loves life, thinks pink is the best thing going as any true princess at heart would, and that she will grow up to be a wonderful, devoted wife, mother, and strong woman of God.

Yes, she's five. Where, oh where does the time go?

Rabbit Run - Especially When It Is Cold!

One of the benefits you get from a blanket of new-fallen snow is seeing just what lives with you every day in and around your house. Last week a hawk, with his prey clutched in his hand, landed right in front of our window. I realize that he'd wandered outside his normal hunting grounds because of the heavy snowfall, but it was a reminder that nature lives with us despite our human desire to just take over everything in our path.

This morning I was reminded of the little creatures that we've watched grow up under our very own shed. Yes, we've fed generations of the little guys even when we weren't thrilled about it. And their brothers, sisters, cousins and friends live all over our development. This morning it was fun to follow their nightly wanderings around the house, finding all of the spots where they stopped for awhile seeking warmth, and seeing just how they wander in and out of the bushes. In the picture above you can see where they obviously spent some time overnight pressed in to the snowbank for a bit. And I think there was more than one of them cuddling there.

I then found a bunch of little footprints coming out from under the gate. You can see where they've dug a path in the snow under the corner. And on the other side of the house I found where they went back under the fence, as well as several places along the way where they stopped to cuddle for awhile. I couldn't help but wonder what that hawk might have done if he'd seen them out and about. And I realized that as much as they drive me crazy, and as much as I feel frustration as the bunnies eat my plants, I wouldn't want to see one have the same fate as the starling did last week. Remind me of that this spring when I put out new flowering plants, would you?